** To see our day in pictures click here! **
We packed up a picnic, birthday
cupcakes included (princess white with peanut butter icing for our Li’l
Peanut) and some balloons and once again headed out to Prelude Lake.
We decided while we were there to
rename the Prelude Trail as Claire’s Trail! It is a place we have always
loved to visit as a family and I feel as though our family is complete
when we are there.
It was a beautiful day, warm enough
with a slight breeze. The yellow and orange leaves were falling from the
trees and the ground was covered in colour. The sky was clear and blue
and the water was calm.
The boys each decorated their balloons
and Molly sent a very sweet and heartfelt message for us to write up
for her... and I love love love what they drew and wrote. We have some
pretty amazing kiddos, if I do say so myself! xo
The balloon release was a little more
emotional than I thought it would be yet I held it together... I am not
sure why I try to hold it together though. As strangely peaceful as the
day was I feel as though I still need a release. I didn’t allow myself
to break down. I shed a few little tears here and there but not in front
of the family (for the most part).
I didn’t allow myself to look through
Claire’s memory box. I need to. There is so much love and comfort in
that box and sometimes I just need a little reminder of all of the kind
words and tokens that our family and friends bestowed upon us in those
first few days, weeks, months. There is even a whole lot of love and
kindness from those who were, at the time, strangers who have become
friends. I’ve said it a few times and I will continue to say it for the
rest of my life how very grateful I am for every single word of support,
encouragement and love that we received.
And once again, the messages through
FB and email, the thoughtful and meaningful pictures sent, as well as
the phone calls, flowers and cookies were truly appreciated. I am a
lucky girl to be surrounded by so many caring and wonderful people. x <3 o
Baby Girl I wish you could have stuck
around to see how much love surrounds us. We are, without a doubt,
extremely fortunate. Thank you for an amazing year. Even though it has
been the absolute saddest of my life, in so many ways it has brought me
joy too. To be able to help others in ways I never thought I could. To
put a smile on someone else’s face when I know all they want to do is
cry. To comfort someone when they need it the most. To be there and to
“get it”. And on the flip side to be able to open others’ eyes to
pregnancy and infant loss.
There is still so much I want to do.
Hopefully before your second birthday I can get a few of those ideas
flowing and put the list I have in my head on paper and into motion...
all in your honour.
I love you more today than I did yesterday and yet not as much as I will tomorrow, Claire.
I am one lucky mommy.
