Thursday, March 31, 2011

Never ending spiral...

Lately my thoughts keep spiraling between Claire and Lucy. I am so head over heals in love with Lucy and cannot imagine my life without her and yet so sad and guilt ridden thinking that she is here because Claire isn’t.

Claire was going to be our last child.
Had she lived, Lucy would not be here.

It is very difficult to just be happy in the now knowing that the now isn’t what it should have been...

And so, the vicious circle and spiral of guilty feelings about my 2 daughters continues...


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Mission impossible...

First trip to the ice road to etch names...


I got out there and my new tool didn't work how I hoped it would. I came home to grab other attachments and tools and noticed I was almost out of gas. I had to step in a huge puddle to get to the pump and got soakers in both boots. Then I got halfway to the ice road and Lucy woke up hungry.

Next time I will make sure I have a full tank, the proper tools (hopefully a different attachment will work or my new tool above is useless to me), and Lucy will have a full belly!!

I am so disappointed thinking I may not get around to getting my wait list of names etched this year. Pregnancy, new baby, freezing cold temps, the above issues and now spring has sprung and the road may close before I even get a chance. I guess there is always next winter but I was hoping to not have everyone wait THAT long!!

Better luck next time.

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