I am feeling down and selfish and jealous.
I don’t like feeling this way.
I can’t help it.
I wish I could.
I know it is normal and natural.
It doesn’t really make it any easier.
I am a caring person.
I love babies.
I want to look and hold however I am finding it hard to do it.
I don’t want to come across as cold or uncaring.
I am just feeling down and selfish and jealous.
I am finding it hard to transition
from all of the happy newborn news on my blog back around to how I am
honestly feeling about it all. It makes me feel really selfish to put up
a bunch of baby greetings and then go back to myself and how I am
coping however this is my place to be honest. This is my space to tell
it like it is as much for myself as for others who need support.
I don’t want to hurt anyone’s
feelings. I don’t want my friends to think that I am not overjoyed for
them because it’s not that I am not ecstatic for you all... please don’t
get me wrong. I am truly happy that you have all had healthy babies. It
just makes me long for what I don’t have.
I was looking forward to these past as
well as the next couple of months ahead as the time that my baby and
all of her friends would be born. Instead I watch, wait and listen and
get more and more anxious as my due date approaches knowing that more
babies will be born into amazing families and mine won’t.
I don’t wish my pain, longing and emptiness on anyone.
