Wednesday, January 13, 2010


That is the number of weeks since I was walking in to have an ultrasound. It was THE ultrasound that would tear my heart apart.

3.5 months? Really was it that long ago? Because it still feels like it was last week... which is better than it feeling like yesterday, I guess.

I was doing dishes this morning and it took everything in me to keep from crying, from melting down once again. 32 weeks is how far along I should be. Today it feels like a slap in the face!

Not that I wish anyone to have a baby that early as I know the heartbreak and complications that can bring as well. I just can’t help to think that if it was MY baby that her chances of survival would have been that much higher than they were at 17 weeks when her chance was zero because she was already gone.

She didn’t survive.
And days like today, emotionally, I find it hard to survive too.

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