Monday, January 4, 2010

More than I could have asked for...


Everything I had hoped to find in a good doctor:
And that is everything I have found in Dr. Mattas.

I could not have asked for a better doctor to travel through this journey of grief with. From the moment he couldn’t find a heartbeat he was calm, reassuring but realistic, gentle and proactive.

He may feel as though he was just doing his job but he made me feel like there was absolutely nothing else that he needed to focus his attention towards but me and my baby.

He worked wonders to get me in for an ultrasound as quickly as he could (and thanks also to his colleague Dr. Pegg... she too was fabulous for squeezing me in and for following through on the hospital care). As soon as she called to let him know that there was, in fact, no heartbeat, he called my home and left a very heartfelt and personal message.

When I went for my 2 week check up, he listened while I talked, offered tissue when I cried, offered advice when I asked for help, and offered for me to come back whenever I needed support... both physically and mentally.

When Andrew and I went to see him about Claire’s autopsy results he gave us the rundown and then asked how we were doing. He really listened to what was begin said and brought up a really good way of thinking and turned it around in this way...

He said that pictures are made up of negatives, when developed you see the opposite and that the same can be said for feelings...

He talked about Andrew feeling helpless to help me and turned it to the fact that Andrew is obviously a very caring and supportive husband and that is the reason he feels helpless. He would do anything for me because he loves me so much and it hurts to not be able to help. And for my feelings of absolute sadness and emptiness and my want to turn my loss into help for others... he flipped it to show that I am very compassionate and I feel empathy for others. Essentially showing us that what we were feeling seemed like negative feelings to us right now but deep down it just shows our real character and strength.

All that from a short chat with a virtual stranger.

We both left feeling like a little weight had been lifted that day thanks to his honesty and kindness.

He never had to make it so personal. He could have been technical, black and white, cut and dry. But he took the time to connect with me, my husband, and our feelings, and with our concerns and questions without making us feel rushed or silly.

I will forever be grateful for the care that he has provided. He will hold a special place in my heart along with my memories of Claire. He is a part of the silver lining that has come from our loss.

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