Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Li’l Peanut?

Each of our babes had an in utero name.

William was Noodle.
Matthew was Dash.

We referred to our babes by those names every single day until the day they were born. The minute they came into the world those nicknames disappeared.

This time was different. This time we were pregnant with our L’il Peanut. When she was born, the nurse asked us of we were going to name her and we said no. She was our Li’l Peanut and that was that. When we received our Certificate of Life it was filled out as Baby Girl. When we first left the hospital that was okay by me. We had been through a lot (understatement) and I didn’t think much of it.

Upon arriving at home, I spoke with family members and I sent an email out to my closest girlfriends updating them and it was after I sent the message that I began to think about how unfair it was that we hadn’t named her. She was a little being. She had been born. All of our other kiddos had “real” names. She needed one too. Li’l Peanut and Baby Girl weren’t fitting for our daughter.

I realized that I would want to talk about her and wondered how could I refer to her as Li’l Peanut all of the time? It seemed wrong and juvenile and insensitive and more like a joke of a name than anything.

Nickname, yes.
Birth name, no.

Claire was one of 2 girls names we had picked out. It is pretty and delicate and full of light. It was what I wanted and needed. Andrew agreed that naming her was a good decision. And so Claire she became. I went back to the hospital and had a bassinet card made out with her name on it. Proof that she had been born and had been here and was real. I really needed that.

I felt at ease calling her Claire. I felt as though she was more of a person having a had a normal name (I am no Gwyneth Paltrow after all!).

A tiny part of me does however feel ashamed. Claire was our #2 baby girl name. It makes me feel sad at times to know that had she been born happy and healthy she would have had a different name. Oooh... that was hard to admit... even typing that out makes me feel like a horrible mother. We just couldn’t do it. We didn’t want the name we have both loved so much for the past 6 years to come and go so quickly. We want to save it... just in case we are lucky enough to ever bring another little girl into our family.

Like any name choice you make, it sticks and it fits and Claire is who she is and I wouldn’t change her name for the world! We made the right decision. She is a Claire, I don’t ever doubt that. I am pleased that we got to give her such a lovely, elegant, classic and timeless name.

A beautiful name for our beautiful little girl.

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