Each of our babes had an in utero name.
William was Noodle.
Matthew was Dash.
We referred to our babes by those
names every single day until the day they were born. The minute they
came into the world those nicknames disappeared.
This time was different. This time we
were pregnant with our L’il Peanut. When she was born, the nurse asked
us of we were going to name her and we said no. She was our Li’l Peanut
and that was that. When we received our Certificate of Life it was
filled out as Baby Girl. When we first left the hospital that was okay
by me. We had been through a lot (understatement) and I didn’t think
much of it.
Upon arriving at home, I spoke with
family members and I sent an email out to my closest girlfriends
updating them and it was after I sent the message that I began to think
about how unfair it was that we hadn’t named her. She was a little
being. She had been born. All of our other kiddos had “real” names. She
needed one too. Li’l Peanut and Baby Girl weren’t fitting for our
daughter.
I realized that I would want to talk
about her and wondered how could I refer to her as Li’l Peanut all of
the time? It seemed wrong and juvenile and insensitive and more like a
joke of a name than anything.
Nickname, yes.
Birth name, no.
Claire was one of 2 girls names we had
picked out. It is pretty and delicate and full of light. It was what I
wanted and needed. Andrew agreed that naming her was a good decision.
And so Claire she became. I went back to the hospital and had a bassinet
card made out with her name on it. Proof that she had been born and had
been here and was real. I really needed that.
I felt at ease calling her Claire. I
felt as though she was more of a person having a had a normal name (I am
no Gwyneth Paltrow after all!).
A tiny part of me does however feel
ashamed. Claire was our #2 baby girl name. It makes me feel sad at times
to know that had she been born happy and healthy she would have had a
different name. Oooh... that was hard to admit... even typing that out
makes me feel like a horrible mother. We just couldn’t do it. We didn’t
want the name we have both loved so much for the past 6 years to come
and go so quickly. We want to save it... just in case we are lucky
enough to ever bring another little girl into our family.
Like any name choice you make, it
sticks and it fits and Claire is who she is and I wouldn’t change her
name for the world! We made the right decision. She is a Claire, I don’t
ever doubt that. I am pleased that we got to give her such a lovely,
elegant, classic and timeless name.
A beautiful name for our beautiful little girl.
