Monday, February 8, 2010

Hyper aware...

~ It hit me on the plane that if I was still pregnant I wouldn’t have been able to make this trip.

~ I spotted one of my favourite little stands at the Granville Island Market. They sell the most adorable hand knit baby/toddler hats. They are knit in very bright colors and look like frogs, bees, various fruits and veggies, some have stripes, some have polka dots... total cuteness. I won’t get to buy one for Claire.

~ A lady walked passed us with her baby girl in a sling and she had on the most adorable little hat with a huge flower on it. She was beautiful. I lost it. I started crying right there in the middle of the aisle.

~ Strollers everywhere we walked.

~ At the party a lady I had been chatting with asked how many kids we had. I said 3...

~ During our 5 hour layover in Edmonton on the way home there were 4 babies in the same area of the terminal as us. One was just over a year old, 2  were about 3 months old and another could not have been more than a week and a half old. I lost it again and had to go lock myself into a bathroom stall and quietly sob as it was packed in there and I didn’t want anyone to hear me... even though all I wanted to do was cry and let it all out.

~ A very, very pregnant lady walked by rubbing her tummy... 3 times.

~ Just before we boarded the plane to come home, I was watching a little girl playing, she had the most adorable little sequined shoes on and an acquaintance from town said, “Ah, Jaime! I see you looking... come on, get on it, have another one, or 2... or a few more!” Obviously she doesn’t know what happened and it took everything in me to laugh it off and say, “Oh, maybe some day!” I held back the tears and then she came up and chatted and was ecstatic to tell me that she is going to be a grandmother in August. Oh dear... hold it in, hold it in...

It was so hard to watch all weekend long yet I couldn’t help but stare at every single baby, every stroller, look at every toy/blanket/everything (!) in every store and watch as the newly formed families prepared for their flight to go show off their new baby to their family and friends abroad.

We joked when we left Vancouver in the summer that we probably wouldn’t be back for a long while... we laughed that we would be the family that walks on the plane and hears the groans as we walk by to our whole row... the 6 of us! That we would no longer be able to borrow the in-laws car and that we would have to rent a minivan and how much we would have to pack for 2 adults and 4 children!

And here we were just Andrew and I and our broken hearts... taking up 2 seats and wishing that we were “that” family going down to show off our new baby to our family and friends.

So sad.

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