Friday, February 19, 2010

It’s all too much...

I have spent the majority of the last couple of days hopping from one babyloss blog to another. I read and read and read about how sad everyone is and I wonder...

What am I doing?

Is this really what I need to help myself? It is comforting and reassuring to know that what I am feeling is “normal” but at the same time is it helping me heal? Am I finding any answers or am I just drowning myself in everyone else’s sorrow as well as my own?

I appreciate the babyloss mommy’s words so very much. I have found quite an alarmingly large community out there. It is fantastic to know that there are so many others out there who are so supportive and welcoming and yet so freakin’ sad that there are so many of us!

It’s unbearable, really. Why us?

Why me? All I have ever wanted in life was to marry a good man and have beautiful babies.

One ectopic pregnancy to start out with.
Nice. Great start.
2 healthy, funny and completely loveable boys.
And then Claire.
Mommy’s little girl.
So little.
Less than a pound.
Fit-in-the-palm-of-my-hand little.
So perfect.
So gone.

Maybe I need to take a break? I don’t know?

I feel like I am in a tornado.
My head and heart spinning all day long.

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