Thursday, April 1, 2010

I wish it was all a bad joke...

6 months ago today Claire was born.

I wish it was all just a bad April Fools Day joke.

I wish I could have woken up happy this morning to see my baby girl. Instead I am tired because I couldn’t get to sleep last night... all I could do was replay what happened 6 months ago, minute by minute, in my mind. I stayed up late so that I could see 12:01am on the clock; the time my baby was born. I cried myself to sleep and then woke up exhausted after tossing and turning and dreaming all night.

I woke up feeling cheated.... again.

Half a year? Really? That is a really long time yet it feels like yesterday and 10 years ago all at the same time. I feel older. I feel more tired. I feel sad.

Today is just a cruel joke.
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