Today:
The pain of not having you here is crushing me.
I am completely overwhelmed.
My heart hurts and I am finding it hard to breathe.
I am SO not ready to move into the new year.
Everyone’s wishes for health and
happiness? Ugh.. I’ll keep my thoughts to myself because I am too much
of an angerball at this point and I learned a long time ago that if I
have nothing nice to say to not say anything at all!
It’s not that I wish ill will towards
anyone. If I hadn’t lost Claire I too would be wishing everyone the
same. I am just having a really hard time moving into the new year
knowing that my baby will never be here. That 2010 was supposed to bring
the baby that would complete our family. Instead I am dreading every
single day of the new year knowing that nothing will bring her back.
I am finding it hard to articulate what I really feel, even though I have probably said more than enough already.
I am hurting.
Of course I want health, happiness and
a fantastic new year and I will try with everything in me to make it a
good year for my family.
I am so very, very sad.
I’m sorry I can’t feel the same way as
everyone else this New Year’s Eve. I can’t celebrate moving forward
when all I want to do is go back.
