Thursday, December 31, 2009

Like a vice...


The pain of not having you here is crushing me.

I am completely overwhelmed.

My heart hurts and I am finding it hard to breathe.

I am SO not ready to move into the new year.

Everyone’s wishes for health and happiness? Ugh.. I’ll keep my thoughts to myself because I am too much of an angerball at this point and I learned a long time ago that if I have nothing nice to say to not say anything at all!

It’s not that I wish ill will towards anyone. If I hadn’t lost Claire I too would be wishing everyone the same. I am just having a really hard time moving into the new year knowing that my baby will never be here. That 2010 was supposed to bring the baby that would complete our family. Instead I am dreading every single day of the new year knowing that nothing will bring her back.

I am finding it hard to articulate what I really feel, even though I have probably said more than enough already.

I am hurting.

Of course I want health, happiness and a fantastic new year and I will try with everything in me to make it a good year for my family.

I am so very, very sad.

I’m sorry I can’t feel the same way as everyone else this New Year’s Eve. I can’t celebrate moving forward when all I want to do is go back.

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