Monday, September 17, 2012

Would I ever be satisfied?

I read the following blog post a couple of days ago: “Miscarriage” and “Stillbirth” – why I hate those words and can't seem to get it out of my mind. I think, in part, it is due to the little rant I went on the other day (read here) about Claire being considered a second trimester miscarriage or intrauterine fetal demise.

For almost 3 years now I have been upset and focused on those medical terms.

~I felt like the term she was given dishonored and downplayed her birth. 
~I felt like the stillbirth title would give her the distinction of baby not fetus.
~I felt that some people would take me and my loss a little more seriously.
~I felt that if she had been termed stillborn she would have gotten the recognition she deserved, on paper, and that would make her more real.
~I felt like it would make her more of a person.

Above all, I felt like her being termed stillborn would offer a lot of peace...

And then I read the article above and realized that those who had delivered their babies past the 20 week gestational mark, stillborn, were upset with the title their babies were given too. They struggle too. They wish for more too.

So it makes me wonder...

Would I in fact be any happier with a different term or title?
Her heart was no longer beating,
she was born,
she was still,
so Claire was stillborn
(at least in my eyes and in my heart).

So maybe that has to be good enough.
Maybe I just need to come to terms with the terms.

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