Expecting enough...

As Claire's 3rd birthday approaches I find my anxiety skyrocketing.

You would think it would get easier as this will be the third year I 'celebrate' without her but no.

I know what to expect and I know that the days leading up to her birthday are much more difficult than the actual day itself. I know what we are planning to do and I look forward to it however it will all be done a day early as Andrew has to work on her birthday and cannot take the day off which also has me upset... not at him, at all, just at the circumstances. But that's life, right? How many times do we actually celebrate our children's birthday on their actual birth date? This is normal! Woohoo!

We always have a lovely day doing 'Claire's hike' and having a picnic. We have established wonderful traditions but I never feel like it is enough and I wonder,

"How is it that it doesn't get any easier year to year?"

For one, I end up leaving party prep to the last minute and never quite get done what it is I want to do to honor Claire on her birthday. Whether it is the literal icing on the cake, the color of the balloons, or that plaque that I still want to get made to put on a park bench, it just never seems to get done the way I wish, if at all.

I also have the greatest intentions of doing something bigger and better in her name throughout the year and I feel like I let myself down as the list is long and I don't get a whole lot of it accomplished.

That being said, my friend and co-leader Jennifer and I started our Face2Face Yellowknife Friendship Group this past year. It was one of the 'biggies' on my to do list and we took the plunge and began and I am very proud of what we are doing for ourselves and our community.

I guess what I need to keep in mind is that I have my whole life to work on this list. Maybe checking one 'biggie' off the list each year is quite enough. Just like one 'biggie' gift from mommy to her little girl for her birthday each year would be enough... I wouldn't want to spoil her too much! ;)

And so there it is.
I have talked myself down once more.
Blog therapy.
Who knew it could be so effective?