Ugh, you know how Facebook saves every single exchange you ever had with someone? Well, I was just reading a recent response from a friend and looked back a bit and found this....
"Oh my... this baby is taking everything out of me! I am still sick a lot of the time, I have a headache most days and my boobs are killing me!! Maybe it's a girl this time because the boys never treated their mom like this in utero... they saved all the pain for when they turned 2 and have not given up yet!"
It was the day before I found out that our baby had died.
The sickness and the headaches were likely due to the fact that my baby was already dead.
I had no idea.
I don't even remember sending that message. I think it is why it hurts so much. I would have taken all day 'morning' sickness, a non stop headache and killer boobs for months if it would have meant she could have lived.
I don't know if it is because I have just read, copied and pasted every blog post over here or if it is because Claire's EDD is coming up (likely a combination of both) but I am so emotional right now. I am really, really missing her and all that she should be right now. This message bowled me over. I am in tears. She was already dead.
She was taking everything out of me...
likely due to the fact that she was trying to survive.
And I was right, she was a girl.
<3 thinking of you sweetheart
ReplyDelete((hugs)) i can imagine how reading that message can feel like a punch in the gut. ♥
ReplyDeleteoh hun, xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh Jaime. That must have been so very hard to re-read, especially combined with moving all your blog posts over.
ReplyDeleteYou couldn't have known my dear. And of course you would have taken the sickness and headaches and achy boobs if you could have helped your darling Claire.
Sometimes I think Facebook has a lot of answer for. You can't 'forget' anything you've ever said or anyone you've ever met?