Thursday, February 9, 2012
The day before... brought back...
Ugh, you know how Facebook saves every single exchange you ever had with someone? Well, I was just reading a recent response from a friend and looked back a bit and found this....
"Oh my... this baby is taking everything out of me! I am still sick a lot of the time, I have a headache most days and my boobs are killing me!! Maybe it's a girl this time because the boys never treated their mom like this in utero... they saved all the pain for when they turned 2 and have not given up yet!"
It was the day before I found out that our baby had died.
The sickness and the headaches were likely due to the fact that my baby was already dead.
I had no idea.
I don't even remember sending that message. I think it is why it hurts so much. I would have taken all day 'morning' sickness, a non stop headache and killer boobs for months if it would have meant she could have lived.
I don't know if it is because I have just read, copied and pasted every blog post over here or if it is because Claire's EDD is coming up (likely a combination of both) but I am so emotional right now. I am really, really missing her and all that she should be right now. This message bowled me over. I am in tears. She was already dead.
She was taking everything out of me...
likely due to the fact that she was trying to survive.
And I was right, she was a girl.