Do you ever feel so behind
that you don’t even know where to begin? So instead of doing anything
about it, you leave everything until really late or you don’t do it at
all?
That’s how I have been feeling about
catching up here. I want to write but I have been so disorganized
lately... in my head and in my everyday life. How did that happen? My
thoughts are a mess that jump from one topic to another so instead of
sitting down and sorting through them all, I have avoided it all.
However here it is... the quick rundown:
16 weeks was bittersweet for me as I
started to feel Cinco move. I was ecstatic to have the reassurance and
so profoundly sad that in that very same week of pregnancy with my Li’l
Peanut something went horribly wrong and her heart stopped beating,
17 weeks. Very, very sad. We were
camping and I couldn’t help but think all morning of how our 5 month old
little lady should have been on the beach with us soaking up the sun
and splashing in the water. That day I volunteered to go into the small
town at the base of the mountain to buy some supplies. While there I did
a little drive through the main street and stumbled upon “The General
Store”. The store windows were filled with pretty trinkets, picture
frames, jewelry stands and more knick knacks. I ran in to browse and
found the beautiful butterfly picture above. It was the perfect gift to
buy on that very difficult day.
18 weeks and I am settling into my
rainbow pregnancy with a little less anxiety. I can feel Cinco move
regularly and it is so reassuring to me that all is as it should be (I
hope!).
19 weeks and I am back to work. Tired but glad to be back into our routines.
20 weeks and we went for our
ultrasound. It was amazing! I could have laid about all day watching our
babe grow. I did however have a few minutes of sadness when the tech
was showing us our baby’s heart. The sight of all parts working as they
should was overwhelming and I began to sob (much to the confusion of the
tech as she did not know our history). I explained and she was very
sympathetic and told me that as far as she could see all looks great
with babe. Ahh...
The half way mark. I have to believe
that everything will be alright. Everything points in that direction. I
need to stay positive.
All of that being said... I am still
so sad about Claire and becoming more anxious as the days near the end
of the month. Claire came into the world sleeping on October 1st, 2009
and that day is quickly approaching. There is so much I wanted to do,
start, accomplish for myself and for others and I just find that I don’t
have the energy...
