Monday, April 8, 2013

Random wonderings...

When I close my eyes, everything that happened between us comes back to me.
A teardrop shows it's presence.
I wonder what went wrong?
Wonder how it'd be if we didn't say goodbye?
I always wish that I could get back to that time and hold you a little more closely.
I know... it's always a dream.
A dream which I hate to wake up from.
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Wondering and worrying about what to write about.

Wondering if I will ever have anything new to write?
Wondering if anyone feels the same way?
Wondering if anyone noticed that I hadn't been writing?
Wondering if they think I don't care as much as I used to?
Wondering if people are tired of hearing me talk about her?

Wondering when I will find the time to write more consistently?
Wondering if others understand that while I am not writing I am still dwelling and loving her?

Wondering when and if I will find the time to read the blogs I follow?
(I miss getting caught up.)
Wondering why she died?
Wondering if she is proud?

Wondering if I am still helping anyone in any way?


  1. I haven't suffered a loss like you and your BLM, but your blog helped me understand when others have gone through this, so yes, you help!!!!

  2. Your blog has helped me to understand and not be afraid to talk about baby loss with Angela when she lost Kody. So yes, you help!!
    Wendy P.

  3. I thik about Claire every single day Jamie! That is the truth! Every heart I see is for her and I see them everywhere! She has touched my heart and so have you!

    I would never think you don't care about her! I know she is in your thoughts every single moment of every day. You are her mom and will always hold her in her heart. That will never change no matter how often you do or do not write here. We all know that :)

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful Claire with us through your writing.

  4. It matters. You and I have known each other for years but not well... but reading your posts and sharing what you write makes me feel like I know you a bit more. I do think of Claire all the time. Everytime I see a heart I think of her, and you. I wonder how you are doing, how you are healing. There are people all over the world who know Claire, who think of her, pray for her, talk to her, hold her in there lives, because you, as her mommy, made sure we knew her. You love her so much that you push through the pain and fog and you write and you live and you smile and you persevere so that you can continue to share her with people who need to know her. The tears roll while I write this and I can't begin to imagine what you have been through. But I can tell you, it matters. That whether you write daily or once a year, there will still always be someone, somewhere, who at that very moment is thinking of Claire. xox


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