A sad goodbye and a sweet hello...

   

We moved out of our old house. 

It was sad leaving, like I was leaving another little piece of Claire's life behind. 

It was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be for me. 

Her everything from beginning to end happened there.

I just couldn't say goodbye to her home without leaving her mark.

 

And then we moved into our new home and what did I find?

A sweet hello from my girl.

Quite the housewarming gift! 

Thanks for making the transition a little easier on mommy's heart. 

That's what I want to feel...

I miss sitting and reflecting and writing 

but I feel like I am tapped out, so to speak, 

on what to say about Claire. 

I feel so far away from her and it hurts. 

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Just one day of that gut-wrenching agony that I had in the beginning...

that's what I want to feel.

 It seems so wrong but I feel like it would make me feel closer to her.

 

"It hurts to not hurt so much." 

~Michelle White

Random wonderings...

When I close my eyes, everything that happened between us comes back to me.

A teardrop shows it's presence.

I wonder what went wrong?

Wonder how it'd be if we didn't say goodbye?

I always wish that I could get back to that time and hold you a little more closely.

But

I know... it's always a dream.

A dream which I hate to wake up from.

~SooraiKeshav

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Wondering and worrying about what to write about.

Wondering if I will ever have anything new to write?

Wondering if anyone feels the same way?

Wondering if anyone noticed that I hadn't been writing?

Wondering if they think I don't care as much as I used to?

or

Wondering if people are tired of hearing me talk about her?

Wondering when I will find the time to write more consistently?

Wondering if others understand that while I am not writing I am still dwelling and loving her?

Wondering when and if I will find the time to read the blogs I follow?
(I miss getting caught up.)
 

Wondering why she died?

Wondering if she is proud?

Wondering if I am still helping anyone in any way?

...

March lovin'...

March lovin' thanks to: Emalee, Gillian, Tracy & Dale & Joanne, Cathy, Maureen, Annie, Laurie, Dena, Meghan, Cally, Jennifer & Melissa Megan, Maria, Karen, Virginia, Molly, Sheila, Carrie, Mary, Amber, Caroline, Monica, Wendy, Andrew, and Michelle!