Saturday, April 2, 2011

Big questions from a little mind...

Who would have thought that watching 6 minutes of the movie Tangled in Walmart would spark such a deep conversation with a 5 year old?

We entered electronics just as the sky lantern scene was playing. The boys were riveted so I thought I would buy the movie for them as it is movie night and I thought they deserved a new one. When we left the store they were really excited and William asked what the things that were going up in the sky were in the movie. I told him what they were and how they work and told him that I was also hoping to get some for Claire’s next birthday to send off. He asked if we could draw pictures on them like we did on her balloons for her 1st birthday and I said that we sure can!

And this is where the conversation took a turn...

I asked William what he would draw and his response was, “I will draw a picture of me with Claire. But do I have to draw a skeleton because she is dead?”

Ugh. Right in the heart. I told him that he could draw her as a baby because that is who she is.

Then a flood of questions came:

Where did her skin go when she died?
And her blood?
Why was her heart broken?
How come the doctors didn’t fix it?
Well, where did she go, anyways?
Did she die in your tummy?
How did you know she was a girl?
You ‘holded’ her??
What did the Dr do with her?
Is she in the ground?
Will she be alive again?

I answered as best as I could. My heart and head full of sadness. Yet at the same time I was happy to be talking about her and happy to hear William acknowledge Claire as a part of our family, as his little sister.

Matthew sat is silence listening to the conversation and then said, “But mommy, Claire is a little peanut doll at home. She’s not real.” He is still confused as we have a Li'l Peanut doll that fits into a peanut shell that is in Claire’s box and he believes that is who she is (he was only 2.5 when we lost her... some day he’ll have a better understanding).

William then asked Matthew what he would draw on his sky lantern for Claire and he said, “I will draw me with Toby (our dog) and a rainbow for Lucy.” Sweetness.

A few minutes later we were home and putting our coats and boots away and I pulled Lucy out of her car seat and William then asked,  “Mommy, if Lucy dies will you get another one?”

So many tough questions...

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