Saturday, January 1, 2011

The end of the 2010...


I spent the holidays this year in somewhat of a non feeling blur. I haven’t been able to cry... and I haven’t been able to let myself be really happy either. I have been in a limbo world of not really knowing how I feel emotionally. (Physically, I have been sick with an inner ear infection as well as the flu since Christmas day... so that hasn’t made life any easier!)

I’m really sad.
I miss Claire.

I cannot believe that another New Years Eve has passed without her. I can no longer say that I lost my baby girl last year... because it was more than a year ago... where has 2010 gone? Really? I spent the better part of it in a haze. I never knew what grief or anxiety or anger really felt like until this past year...

I found this quote tonight:

"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us." ~Hal Borland

I am going on.
I have experienced more than any parent should.
I move forward but I will never forget.

Good night Baby Girl.
Mommy loves you.

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