1:30am
I spent the holidays this year in
somewhat of a non feeling blur. I haven’t been able to cry... and I
haven’t been able to let myself be really happy either. I have been in a
limbo world of not really knowing how I feel emotionally. (Physically, I
have been sick with an inner ear infection as well as the flu since
Christmas day... so that hasn’t made life any easier!)
Tonight...
I’m really sad.
I miss Claire.
I cannot believe that another New
Years Eve has passed without her. I can no longer say that I lost my
baby girl last year... because it was more than a year ago... where has
2010 gone? Really? I spent the better part of it in a haze. I never knew
what grief or anxiety or anger really felt like until this past year...
I found this quote tonight:
"Year's end is neither an end nor a
beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can
instill in us." ~Hal Borland
I am going on.
I have experienced more than any parent should.
I move forward but I will never forget.
Ever.
Good night Baby Girl.
Mommy loves you.
