Tuesday, December 14, 2010

33 weeks and a Christmas tree...

Here are Cinco and I!

Notice the ornament at my chest level? It’s Claire’s peanut from last year. She would have been 9 months old had she arrived healthy and on time. She would have been crawling around and trying to get her teeny hands all over the tree! Instead we honour her with her very own ornament every year. It doesn’t seem like enough... nothing ever will where she is concerned.

It’s hard... I am so happy to have a growing babybelly but it’s painful to think of how things are as opposed to how they should be. To want Claire here so badly makes me feel guilt over Cinco being here and to be excited to be pregnant makes me feel guilty for thinking about how this Christmas would have been with Claire. Urgh.

Yes, I know... you’ve heard this all before.
I just can’t separate the issues in my head.

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