Wednesday, August 11, 2010

16 weeks...

Claire died at 16 weeks gestation.

We didn’t know it until a week later when her heartbeat could not be detected and was then confirmed by ultrasound and further followed up through her autopsy report.

Today I am 16 weeks along with my Cinco.

I shouldn’t be 16 weeks pregnant again so soon.
It shouldn’t physically be probable(?)
I should be holding my 5 month old...
not 4 months pregnant.

I haven’t been around much, I know. My desire to write is low. My desire to comment on what others are writing is low.

I just cannot wrap my head around my grief and my happiness. It is too much to balance. So much so that I find I am just numb about both babies. I don’t feel as though I am being fair to either!

Grieving Claire?
Where did that go?

Growing excitement for our growing baby?
When will that appear?

I feel so cheated this time around.
It’s unfair that I feel so little emotion.

However, to end this post on a high note, I found the chip above in my giant bag of “comfort” Ruffles tonight! Thanks for sending me a little love, Claire. xo
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