Wintersong

Sarah McLachlan is one of my favorite artists, her voice is a.mazing (and even more so live!) This particular song speaks for me this season. 

The lake is frozen over

The trees are white with snow

And all around

Reminders of you

Are everywhere I go

It's late and morning's in no hurry

But sleep won't set me free

I lie awake and try to recall

How your body felt beside me

When silence gets too hard to handle

And the night too long

And this is how I see you

In the snow on Christmas morning

Love and happiness surround you

As you throw your arms up to the sky

I keep this moment by and by

Oh I miss you now, my love

Merry Christmas, merry Christmas,

Merry Christmas, my love

Sense of joy fills the air

And I daydream and I stare

Up at the tree and I see

Your star up there

And this is how I see you

In the snow on Christmas morning

Love and happiness surround you

As you throw your arms up to the sky

I keep this moment by and by

X♥O

33 weeks and a Christmas tree...

Here are Cinco and I!

Notice the ornament at my chest level? It’s Claire’s peanut from last year. She would have been 9 months old had she arrived healthy and on time. She would have been crawling around and trying to get her teeny hands all over the tree! Instead we honour her with her very own ornament every year. It doesn’t seem like enough... nothing ever will where she is concerned.

It’s hard... I am so happy to have a growing babybelly but it’s painful to think of how things are as opposed to how they should be. To want Claire here so badly makes me feel guilt over Cinco being here and to be excited to be pregnant makes me feel guilty for thinking about how this Christmas would have been with Claire. Urgh.

Yes, I know... you’ve heard this all before.

I just can’t separate the issues in my head.

X♥O